My history

Hi.  My doctors tell me I’m bipolar II, have severe depression, social
anxiety, OCD (thinking), and ADHD.  Four suicide attempts and two involuntary
evaluations (confined in a mental ward).  Right now the only meds I have to take are
wellbutrin, Ambien, and Xanax.  We had tried a bunch of other meds but they just
made things worse.  I’m not suicidal anymore but I still deal with most of the rest.
Don’t freakout but my e-mail is visitant666@yahoo.com.  Here is a little of my history
and I will understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this:  as a teen I made a
pack with the devil, sometime after that I thought I was Christ, then I thought I was
the anti-christ (someone told me I was), I have been involved with Wicca and magic
in general, then I broke my pack with the devil.  That’s when most of my problems
began.  Now I don’t believe there is a God or a Devil.  Everything in all of the
Universes are conscious entities and are equal. Everything is connected by an
electro-magnetic-gravitational force and every action causes an equal reaction
somewhere in the Universe.  I believe things are positive or negative but not good or
evil. Mentally I see everything, all of the time.  In my mind everything is connected by
a sort of neuron path, and the more you try to do something the stronger that
pathway becomes.  I think everything has a sort of DNA/RNA instruction manual that
tells “them” how to be anything else.  A human could be a tree, a rock, a Galaxy, a
Universe, all are only conscious of other things at their level.  Plants are conscious of
other plants and probably are aware of animals but they wouldn’t necessarily know
animals are also conscious entities.  Inside of us are conscious and aware “cells”
that enter act with other cells but they have no idea they are a small part of
something else (us) that is also conscious. Like we are very small parts of a solar
system, galaxy, and universe and they are also conscious things at their levels, but
not smaller or larger things.  Crazy thoughts,